'
mydreamendedwheniwasborn.althoughineverknewitthen,ijustheldontosomethingthatwouldneveretopass.dreamsreallydoexist.butinthemorningwhenyouwakeup,theyarerememberedjustasadream.thatiswhathappenedtome.
ialwayshavethedreamtodancelikeabeautifulballerinatwirlingaroundandaroundandhearingpeopleapplaudforme.wheniwasyoung,iwouldtwirlingaroundandaroundinthefieldsofwildflowersthatgrewinmybackyard.forhoursiwoulddanceasifpeoplewerewatchingme.iwoulddancesofastthatiwouldfetwhereiwas,untiliwouldhearsoundsthatremindedmeofwhereireallywas.ithoughtthatifitwirledfastereverythingwoulddisappearandiwouldwakeupinanewplace.realitywokemeupwheniheardavoicesaying,"idon'tknowwhyyoubothertryingtodance.ballerinasarepretty,slenderlittlegirls.besides,youdon'thavethetalenttoevenbeaballerina."irememberhowthosewordsparalyzedeveryfeelinginmybody.ifeeltothegroundandweptforhours.
welivedinthecountrybyanearbylakeandiwouldsometimesgotheretohide.myparentswereneverhomeanywayandididnotliketobeathomewhereicouldhearthewallstalkingofpain.whentheywerehome,mymotherjustyelledandcriticizedbecausenothingwaseverperfectinherlife.shedreamedofadifferentlifebutendeduplivinginacountryfarawayfromthecitywhereshebelievedherdreamswouldhaveetrue.ienjoyedhangingoutbythewater.iwouldsitthereforhoursandstareatmyreflection.thereiwas,lookednothinglikeaprettyballerinadancer.reflectionsdon'tlie.oncethewaveswoulde,myreflectionwasgone.washedawayjustlikemydreamtodance.isattherestaringatthewater,hopingthatmyreflectionwouldreappearandbedifferent.
asigrewolder,ibegantorealizethatthereasonmydreamwasevenborninthefirstplace,wasbecauseitwassomethingthatwasinsideofme.thedreamihadwasnevernurturedandcaredfor,soitslowlydied.it'snotthatiwantedittodie,butiallowedittodiethedayistartedlisteningtothewords,"youcan'tdoit."whenifinallywokeupfrommanyyearsofdreaming,irealizedthatyoucan'tsettlefordancinginthewildflowers,youhavetomoveontotheplatform.istillgotothelakesometimesandsitthere.lookingatmyreflectionisdifferentnowtoo.wheniwasyoung,ilookedathowotherssawme,nowthatiamolderandwiser;ilookathowgodseesme.