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关于爱情的种类你了解多少?About Love

2021-12

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AboutLove

AntonChekhov

第二天的午饭是非常美味的馅饼,小龙虾和羊肉片。我们正吃饭时,厨子尼卡诺来问客人们晚上想吃些什么。他是一个中等身材,胖脸,小眼睛的人,齐胡子根刮了脸,这使得看起来他的胡子仿佛不是刮掉的,而是被连根拔掉的。阿列恒告诉我们美丽的帕拉吉爱上了这个厨子,因为他喝酒且性格粗暴,帕拉吉不想嫁给她,但是愿意与他婚外同居。厨子是个很虔诚的人,他的宗教信仰不允许他“过着有罪的生活”。他坚持帕拉吉嫁给他,此外其它的事都答应她,可是他喝醉时经常大骂帕拉吉,甚至打她。无论何时厨子喝醉了酒,帕拉吉就习惯于躲到楼上哭泣,每当这个时候阿列恒和仆人们就待在屋里准备万一需要保护帕拉吉。

Atlunchnextdaytherewereverynicepies,crayfish,andmuttoncutlets;andwhilewewereeating,Nikanor,thecook,cameuptoaskwhatthevisitorswouldlikefordinner.Hewasamanofmediumheight,withapuffyfaceandlittleeyes;hewasclose-shaven,anditlookedasthoughhismoustacheshadnotbeenshaved,buthadbeenpulledoutbytheroots.AlehintoldusthatthebeautifulPelageawasinlovewiththiscook.Ashedrankandwasofaviolentcharacter,shedidnotwanttomarryhim,butwaswillingtolivewithhimwithout.Hewasverydevout,andhisreligiousconvictionswouldnotallowhimto“liveinsin”;heinsistedonhermarryinghim,andwouldconsenttonothingelse,andwhenhewasdrunkheusedtoabuseherandevenbeather.Wheneverhegotdrunksheusedtohideupstairsandsob,andonsuchoasionsAlehinandtheservantsstayedinthehousetobereadytodefendherincaseofnecessity.

我们开始谈论爱情。

“爱情是如何产生的呢?”阿列恒说,“为什么帕拉吉在身心上不像爱自己一样地爱别人,她为什么会爱上尼卡诺,那个丑陋的猪嘴——我们所有人都叫尼卡诺‘猪嘴’——个人的幸福跟爱情的结果有多大关系——所有这些问题我们都不明所以;个人能获得的见解只是他从中希望获得的罢了。迄今为止,说到爱唯一无可置疑的事实就是:‘爱是一个大大的谜。’关于爱所说和所写下的一切都不是结论,而只是这个仍然没有答案的问题的陈述罢了。这个解释似乎只适合一份份单独的爱情,而不适用于其它众多的例子。在我看来,最好的做法就是单独解说每一份爱情,而不要企图归纳爱情。就像医生们说的,我们应该个别对待每一个例子。”

“完全正确。”伯京同意。

Webegantalkingaboutlove.

“Howloveisborn,”saidAlehin,“whyPelageadoesnotlovesomebodymorelikeherselfinherspiritualandexternalqualities,andwhyshefellinlovewithNikanor,thatuglysnout—weallcallhim‘TheSnout’—howfarquestionsofpersonalhappinessareofconsequenceinlove—allthatisunknown;onecantakewhatviewoneslikesofit.Sofaronlyoneincontestabletruthhasbeenutteredaboutlove:‘Thisisagreatmystery.’Everythingelsethathasbeenwrittenorsaidaboutloveisnotaconclusion,butonlyastatementofquestionswhichhaveremainedunanswered.Theexplanationwhichwouldseemtofitonecasedoesnotapplyinadozenothers,andtheverybestthing,tomymind,wouldbetoexplaineverycaseindividuallywithoutattemptingtogeneralize.Weought,asthedoctorssay,toindividualizeeachcase.”

“Perfectlytrue,”Burkinassented.

“我们这些受过教育的俄国阶层都偏爱那些还没有答案的问题。爱情通常都被诗意化,用玫瑰、夜莺来装饰。我们俄国人却用些重大的问题来装饰爱情,且选择了其中最无趣的部分。在莫斯科读书时,我有一位与我一起生活的朋友,一位迷人的女士,每次我把她抱在怀里,她就在想我这是允许她帮我料理一个月的家务以及一磅牛肉多少钱。同样地,坠入爱河时我们总不厌其烦地问自己:这是合乎名誉的还是违背名誉的,明智的还是愚蠢的,这份爱在通往何处,等等。想这些问题是好事还是坏事我不知道,但是这些问题困扰着你,找不到答案且令人气恼,我就十分清楚了。”

“WeRussiansoftheeducatedclasshaveapartialityforthesequestionsthatremainunanswered.Loveisusuallypoeticized,decoratedwithroses,nightingales;weRussiansdecorateourloveswiththesemomentousquestions,andselectthemostuninterestingofthem,too.InMoscow,whenIwasastudent,Ihadafriendwhosharedmylife,acharminglady,andeverytimeItookherinmyarmsshewasthinkingwhatIwouldallowheramonthforhousekeepingandwhatwasthepriceofbeefapound.Inthesameway,whenweareinlovewearenevertiredofaskingourselvesquestions:whetheritishonourableordishonourable,sensibleorstupid,whatthisloveisleadingupto,andsoon.WhetheritisagoodthingornotIdon’tknow,butthatitisintheway,unsatisfactory,andirritating,Idoknow.”

看来阿列恒想吐透一些心事。过着孤独生活的人们心底总会有些渴望倾诉的事。在城里,单身汉们去澡堂和饭馆的目的就是为了跟人说说话,澡堂和饭馆的服务员们不时能从他们那里听到最有趣的事。而通常,在乡下,单身汉们向客人敞开心扉。此时窗外的天空灰蒙蒙的,所有的树木在雨中都湿透了,这样的天气我们哪儿都不能去,除了说故事或者聆听之外无事可做。

Itlookedasthoughhewantedtotellsomestory.Peoplewholeadasolitaryexistencealwayshavesomethingintheirheartswhichtheyareeagertotalkabout.Intownbachelorsvisitthebathsandtherestaurantsonpurposetotalk,andsometimestellthemostinterestingthingstobathattendantsandwaiters;inthecountry,asarule,theyunbosomthemselvestotheirguests.Nowfromthewindowwecouldseeagreysky,treesdrenchedintherain;insuchweatherwecouldgonowhere,andtherewasnothingforustodobuttotellstoriesandtolisten.

“离开大学后,我在沙非诺生活和务农了很长一段时间。”阿列恒开始了他的故事,“我是一个受过教育的懒散的绅士,一个随性热心的人。可是当我来到这儿时庄园欠下了一大笔债,而我父亲之所以负债部分原因是我花费不小的学费。我决定不走了,而是开始工作直到还清这笔债。我下定决心这么做并开始工作,坦白说,不是一点不动摇的。这里的土地收益并不大,一个人经营农场如果想不赔本必须使用农奴或雇用劳工,这几乎是一码子事;或者把自己等同于农民,就是说,亲自带着一家人下地干活。此外,没有折中的路子。不过那时我还没有探究到这些微妙关系。我不漏过一块未翻耕的土地,把附近村子里所有的农民,无论男人女人都聚到了一起,工作以极大的速度进展着。我亲自耕地,播种,收割,可是烦透了做这一切,就像村子里的猫饿得去吃菜园里的黄瓜一样厌恶得焦眉烂额。我全身疼痛,走路都打瞌睡。起先似乎我能轻易调和这种辛苦的生活与我有教养的习惯,我认为要做到这一点在生活中有必要维持一种固定的表面形式。我把自己安置到楼上这儿最好的房间里,我指示仆人们午饭和晚饭后给我把咖啡和酒端到楼上,每晚上床睡觉时我都要看VyestnikEvropi。可是一天,我们的牧师伊凡神父来了,一口气喝完了我所有的酒,VyestnikEvropi也到牧师的女儿们手里去了。夏季,特别是割晒牧草的时候,我根本连床都挨不到,有时睡在谷仓的雪撬上,有时睡在某个森林人的小屋里,哪还有看书的机会?慢慢地我搬到楼下来了,开始在仆人的厨房里吃饭,除了我服侍父亲的仆人,解雇他们会令他们痛苦万分,我之前的奢侈荡然无存。

“IhavelivedatSofinoandbeenfarmingforalongtime,”Alehinbegan,“eversinceIlefttheUniversity.Iamanidlegentlemanbyeducation,astudiouspersonbydisposition;buttherewasabigdebtowingontheestatewhenIcamehere,andasmyfatherwasindebtpartlybecausehehadspentsomuchonmyeducation,Iresolvednottogoaway,buttoworktillIpaidoffthedebt.Imadeupmymindtothisandsettowork,not,Imustconfess,withoutsomerepugnance.Thelandheredoesnotyieldmuch,andifoneisnottofarmatalossonemustemployserflabourorhiredlabourers,whichisalmostthesamething,orputitonapeasantfooting—thatis,workthefieldsoneselfandwithone’sfamily.Thereisnomiddlepath.ButinthosedaysIdidnotgointosuchsubtleties.Ididnotleaveaclodofearthunturned;Igatheredtogetherallthepeasants,menandwomen,fromtheneighbouringvillages;theworkwentonatatremendouspace.Imyselfploughedandsowedandreaped,andwasboreddoingit,andfrownedwithdisgust,likeavillagecatdrivenbyhungertoeatcucumbersinthekitchen-garden.Mybodyached,andIsleptasIwalked.AtfirstitseemedtomethatIcouldeasilyreconcilethislifeoftoilwithmyculturedhabits;todoso,Ithought,allthatisnecessaryistomaintainacertainexternalorderinlife.Iestablishedmyselfupstairshereinthebestrooms,andorderedthemtobringmetherecoffeeandliquorafterlunchanddinner,andwhenIwenttobedIreadeverynighttheVyestnikEvropi.Butonedayourpriest,FatherIvan,cameanddrankupallmyliquoratonesitting;andtheVyestnikEvropiwenttothepriest’sdaughters;asinthesummer,especiallyatthehaymaking,Ididnotsueedingettingtomybedatall,andsleptinthesledgeinthebarn,orsomewhereintheforester’slodge,whatchancewasthereofreading?LittlebylittleImoveddownstairs,begandiningintheservants’kitchen,andofmyformerluxurynothingisleftbuttheservantswhowereinmyfather’sservice,andwhomitwouldbepainfultoturnaway.

在最初的几年里我当选为这里的荣誉治安法官。我得经常去城里参加治安协会和巡回法院的会议,这对我来说是一个令人愉快的变化。当连续在这儿住了两三个月后,特别是冬天,终于开始渴望接触有知识有教养的人,哪怕是穿黑外套的牧师。而在巡回法庭里穿各种衣服的人——有穿双排扣常礼服的,有穿制服的,还有穿燕尾服的——所有的律师,男人们都接受过普通教育。我终于有了一些可以进行思想交流的人。经过在雪撬上睡觉和在厨房吃饭后,穿着干净的亚麻布衣服,细薄的靴子坐在靠背椅里,某人的马甲上还挂着表链,这一切是多么的奢侈了啊!

“InthefirstyearsIwaselectedhereanhonouraryjusticeofthepeace.Iusedtohavetogotothetownandtakepartinthesessionsofthecongressandofthecircuitcourt,andthiswasapleasantchangeforme.Whenyouliveherefortwoorthreemonthswithoutabreak,especiallyinthewinter,youbeginatlasttopineforablackcoat.Andinthecircuitcourttherewerefrock-coats,anduniforms,anddress-coats,too,alllawyers,menwhohavereceivedageneraleducation;Ihadsomeootalkto.Aftersleepinginthesledgeanddininginthekitchen,tositinanarm-chairincleanlinen,inthinboots,withachainonone’swaistcoat,issuchluxury!

“在城里我受到热烈欢迎,我热切地结交各种朋友。说实话,在我所结识的人中最亲密,最合我意的是跟巡回法庭的副庭长卢格诺维奇的相识。你们俩都认识他,一个很有魅力的人。这一切就发生在那个著名的纵火案之后,初步调查持续了两天,我们都筋疲力尽了。卢格诺维奇看着我说:

“‘哎,我说,来跟我一起共进晚餐吧。’

“Ireceivedawarmweleinthetown.Imadefriendseagerly.Andofallmyacquaintanceshipsthemostintimateand,totellthetruth,themostagreeabletomewasmyacquaintancewithLuganovitch,thevice-presidentofthecircuitcourt.Youbothknowhim:amostcharmingpersonality.Itallhappenedjustafteracelebratedcaseofincendiarism;thepreliminaryinvestigationlastedtwodays;wewereexhausted.Luganovitchlookedatmeandsaid:

“‘Lookhere,eroundtodinnerwithme.’

“这有点出乎意料,因为我和卢格诺维奇并不熟,跟他只是职务上的交往,从未去过他家里。我刚刚回旅馆房间换好衣服要出去吃晚饭。这是我命中注定要与卢格诺维奇的妻子,安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜相遇。那时她还很年轻,至多二十二岁,她的第一个孩子刚刚半岁。这都是过去的事了,而现在我发现很难说得清她到底有何例外,以及她那么吸引我的原因。当时,在那次晚宴上,这一切对我非常清晰,我看到了一个年轻可爱,善良聪明而迷人的女人,仿佛之前我从未遇到过一个这样的人。我立刻觉得她是某个我已经很熟悉很亲密了的人,好像那张脸,那诚恳聪慧的眼神,我小时候已在某处——搁在我母亲衣柜里的相册里——见到过了。

“Thiswasunexpected,asIknewLuganovitchverylittle,onlyofficially,andIhadneverbeentohishouse.Ionlyjustwenttomyhotelroomtochangeandwentofftodinner.AndhereitwasmylottomeetAnnaAlexyevna,Luganovitch’swife.Atthattimeshewasstillveryyoung,notmorethantwenty-two,andherfirstbabyhadbeenbornjustsixmonthsbefore.Itisallathingofthepast;andnowIshouldfinditdifficulttodefinewhattherewassoexceptionalinher,whatitwasinherattractedmesomuch;atthetime,atdinner,itwasallperfectlycleartome.Isawalovelyyoung,good,intelligent,fascinatingwoman,suchasIhadnevermetbefore;andIfeltheratoncesomeonecloseandalreadyfamiliar,asthoughthatface,thosecordial,intelligenteyes,Ihadseensomewhereinmychildhood,inthealbumwhichlayonmymother’schestofdrawers.

“四个犹太人被指控为纵火犯,被当作是一伙强盗,而在我看来,毫无根据。吃晚饭时我非常兴奋,又局促不安,都不知道自己说了些什么。而安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜不停地挥动着头问她的丈夫:

“‘迪米特里,这是怎么回事?’

“卢格诺维奇是个温厚的人,是那些心思简单的人之一,一旦一个人在法庭之前被指控有罪他就会坚持这个看法,除非以法定的书面形式,绝不会在晚餐桌上与私人会谈时表示对判决正确性的怀疑。

“‘你和我都没有放火烧那地方,’他温和地说,‘你看我们都没有被判有罪,也没有进监狱。’

“FourJewswerechargedwithbeingincendiaries,wereregardedasagangofrobbers,and,tomymind,quitegroundlessly.AtdinnerIwasverymuchexcited,Iwasunfortable,andIdon’tknowwhatIsaid,butAnnaAlexyevnakeptshakingherheadandsayingtoherhusband:

“‘Dmitry,howisthis?’

“Luganovitchisagood-naturedman,oneofthosesimple-heartedpeoplewhofirmlymaintaintheopinionthatonceamanischargedbeforeacourtheisguilty,andtoexpressdoubtofthecorrectnessofasentencecannotbedoneexceptinlegalformonpaper,andnotatdinnerandinprivateconversation.

“‘YouandIdidnotsetfiretotheplace,’hesaidsoftly,‘andyouseewearenotcondemned,andnotinprison.’

“他们夫妻两人都设法让我尽量多吃些,多喝些。从一些不重要的细节里,例如,从他们一起泡咖啡的样子,从他们从只言片语里就能理解对方的情形,我能推断出他们生活得融洽而舒适,而且他们很高兴有人来访。吃过晚饭后,他们表演了钢琴了二重奏。然后天色很晚了,我就回家了。那是初春时分。

“此后,我不间断地在沙非诺度过了整个夏天,也没有时间去想城里的事。但是那些日子里对那个优雅的金发妇人的记忆仍留存在脑海里。我没有去想她,可是她轻盈的影子仿佛就躺在我心里。

“Andbothhusbandandwifetriedtomakemeeatanddrinkasmuchaspossible.Fromsometriflingdetails,fromthewaytheymadethecoffeetogether,forinstance,andfromthewaytheyunderstoodeachotherathalfaword,Icouldgatherthattheylivedinharmonyandfort,andthattheyweregladofavisitor.Afterdinnertheyplayedaduetonthepiano;thenitgotdark,andIwenthome.Thatwasatthebeginningofspring.

“AfterthatIspentthewholesummeratSofinowithoutabreak,andIhadnotimetothinkofthetown,either,butthememoryofthegracefulfair-hairedwomanremainedinmymindallthosedays;Ididnotthinkofher,butitwasasthoughherlightshadowwerelyingonmyheart.

“深秋,城里举行一场以慈善为目的的戏剧演出。中场休息时我接到邀请去了镇长的包厢,我一看,安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜正坐在镇长夫人的旁边。她的美丽温柔,她那亲切的眼神,再一次令我不可抗拒,令我激动不已,我的心里再次涌起了那种亲近的感觉。我们肩并肩地坐着,然后去了休息室。

“她说:‘你瘦了。生病了吗?’

“‘是的,我的肩膀患了风湿,下雨天就睡不着。’

“‘你看起来有些沮丧。春天里,来吃晚饭时,你更年轻,更自信。那时你充满热情,口若悬河,你非常有趣,我必须承认我的心有几分已被你带走了。不知道为什么夏季时我经常想起你,今晚为看演出而做准备时我想我会看到你。’

“然后她笑了。

“Inthelateautumntherewasatheatricalperformanceforsomecharitableobjectinthetown.Iwentintothegovernor’sbox(Iwasinvitedtogothereintheinterval);Ilooked,andtherewasAnnaAlexyevnasittingbesidethegovernor’swife;andagainthesameirresistible,thrillingimpressionofbeautyandsweet,caressingeyes,andagainthesamefeelingofnearness.Wesatsidebyside,thenwenttothefoyer.

“‘You’vegrownthinner,’shesaid;‘haveyoubeenill?’

“‘Yes,I’vehadrheumatisminmyshoulder,andinrainyweatherIcan’tsleep.’

“‘Youlookdispirited.Inthespring,whenyoucametodinner,youwereyounger,moreconfident.Youwerefullofeagerness,andtalkedagreatdealthen;youwereveryinteresting,andIreallymustconfessIwasalittlecarriedawaybyyou.Forsomereasonyouoftencamebacktomymemoryduringthesummer,andwhenIwasgettingreadyforthetheatretodayIthoughtIshouldseeyou.’

“Andshelaughed.

“‘可是今天你看起来很沮丧,’她再三地说:‘这使你看上去像是比春天时老了。’

“第二天我在卢格诺维奇家吃午饭。吃过午饭后他们驾车去他们的夏季别墅,为去那儿过冬做安排,我跟他们一起去了。然后又与他们回到城里,午夜时与他们在安静的家庭环境里一起喝茶。当时炉火融融,年轻的妈妈每隔一会就去看看她的宝贝女儿睡着了没有。从那以后,每次去城里我都会去拜访卢格诺维奇一家。他们慢慢习惯了我的到来,我也慢慢习惯了去看望他们。通常我都说来就来,好像我是那个家的一员。

“‘Butyoulookdispiritedtoday,’sherepeated;‘itmakesyouseemolder.’

“ThenextdayIlunchedattheLuganovitchs’.Afterlunchtheydroveouttotheirsummervilla,inordertomakearrangementsthereforthewinter,andIwentwiththem.Ireturnedwiththemtothetown,andatmidnightdrankteawiththeminquietdomesticsurroundings,whilethefireglowed,andtheyoungmotherkeptgoingtoseeifherbabygirlwasasleep.Andafterthat,everytimeIwenttotownIneverfailedtovisittheLuganovitchs.Theygrewusedtome,andIgrewusedtothem.AsaruleIwentinunannounced,asthoughIwereoneofthefamily.

“‘是谁啊?’我会听到安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜在远远的房间里问道,在我听来那慵懒的声音多么可爱啊!

“‘是帕韦尔·康斯坦蒂诺维奇,’女仆或者保姆回答道。

“安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜会一脸焦急地向我走来,每次她都会问:

“‘为什么这么久才来?出了什么事吗?’

“她的眼神,她伸给我的美丽优雅的手,她的日常家居衣服,她梳的头发的式样,她的声音,她的脚步,总给我同样的印象,这是我的生活里刚刚获得的非凡的东西,非常重要的东西。我们一聊几个小时,然后静静地想各自的心事,或者她给我弹上几小时的钢琴。如果他们不在家我就留下来等,跟保姆聊聊,和小孩子们玩,或者到书房的沙发上躺着看书。安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜回来时我会迎到大厅里,接下她手里的所有包裹,为了某种原因每次我都会像一个孩子一样满怀爱意,一样一本正经地拿过那些包裹。

‘Whoisthere?’Iwouldhearfromafarawayroom,inthedrawlingvoicethatseemedtomesolovely.

“‘ItisPavelKonstantinovitch,’answeredthemaidorthenurse.

“AnnaAlexyevnawouldeouttomewithananxiousface,andwouldaskeverytime:

“‘Whyisitsolongsinceyouhavebeen?Hasanythinghappened?’

“Hereyes,theelegantrefinedhandshegaveme,herindoordress,thewayshedidherhair,hervoice,herstep,alwaysproducedthesameimpressiononmesomethingnewandextraordinaryinmylife,andveryimportant.Wetalkedtogetherforhours,weresilent,thinkingeachourownthoughts,orsheplayedforhourstomeonthepiano.IftherewerenooneathomeIstayedandwaited,talkedtothenurse,playedwiththechild,orlayonthesofainthestudyandread;andwhenAnnaAlexyevnacamebackImetherinthehall,tookallherparcelsfromher,andforsomereasonIcarriedthoseparcelseverytimewithasmuchlove,withasmuchsolemnity,asaboy.

“有这么一个谚语:如果一个农妇没有任何烦恼会买一头小猪。卢格诺维奇夫妇生活顺心,因此他们跟我交朋友。如果我不进城肯定是病了或者发生了什么事,他们夫妇俩就非常担心。他们闷闷不乐于我这个受过语言文学教育的人应该做学问或从事文学工作,却生活在农村,像一只愤怒的松鼠转着圈子狂奔一样辛苦劳作却看不到收获。他们认为我不快乐,我只是说着笑着或用吃东西来掩饰我的痛苦,甚至在我觉得快乐时的高兴时刻我也感觉得到他们直盯盯的搜索的眼神。我真的心情沮丧时他们非常令人感动。当我为一些债主焦虑或没有足够的钱准时偿还利息时,他们俩,丈夫和妻子就会走到窗子旁耳语,然后卢格诺维奇走向我一脸严肃地跟我说:‘帕韦尔·康斯坦蒂诺维奇,如果你目前真的需要钱,我妻子和我请求你别不好意思跟我们借。’

“Thereisaproverbthatifapeasantwomanhasnotroublesshewillbuyapig.TheLuganovitchshadnotroubles,sotheymadefriendswithme.IfIdidnotetothetownImustbeillorsomethingmusthavehappenedtome,andbothofthemwereextremelyanxious.TheywereworriedthatI,aneducatedmanwithaknowledgeoflanguages,should,insteadofdevotingmyselftoscienceorliterarywork,liveinthecountry,rushroundlikeasquirrelinarage,workhardwithneverapennytoshowforit.TheyfanciedthatIwasunhappy,andthatIonlytalked,laughed,andatetoconcealmysufferings,andevenatcheerfulmomentswhenIfelthappyIwasawareoftheirsearchingeyesfixeduponme.TheywereparticularlytouchingwhenIreallywasdepressed,whenIwasbeingworriedbysomecreditororhadnotmoneyenoughtopayinterestontheproperday.Thetwoofthem,husbandandwife,wouldwhispertogetheratthewindow;thenhewouldetomeandsaywithagraveface:“‘Ifyoureallyareinneedofmoneyatthemoment,PavelKonstantinovitch,mywifeandIbegyounottohesitatetoborrowfromus.’

“他会激动得连耳根子都红了。也还会发生这样的情形,同样地经过在窗子边的低声耳语后,卢格诺维奇满脸通红地走向我对我说:

“‘我妻子和我诚恳地请你收下这份礼物。’

“他会送给我几颗钮饰,一个雪茄盒或是一盏灯,而我将回送他们从乡下带来的野味,黄油和鲜花。顺便提一下,他们夫妻相当富有。早期我经常借钱,跟任何缺钱的人一样——从任何我借得到钱的地方借——可是无论如何都不能促使我向卢格诺维奇借钱。唉,为什么说这些呢?

“Andhewouldblushtohisearswithemotion.Anditwouldhappenthat,afterwhisperinginthesamewayatthewindow,hewouldeuptome,withredears,andsay:

“‘MywifeandIearnestlyIbegyoutoaeptthispresent.’

“Andhewouldgivemestuds,acigar-case,oralamp,andIwouldsendthemgame,butter,andflowersfromthecountry.Theyboth,bytheway,hadconsiderablemeansoftheirown.InearlydaysIoftenborrowedmoney,andwasnotveryparticularaboutit—borrowedwhereverIcould—butnothingintheworldhaveinducedmetoborrowfromtheLuganovitchs.Butwhytalkofit?

“我闷闷不乐。在家里,在地里,在牲畜棚里,我都在想她。我苦苦思索一个美丽、聪明的年轻女人为什么要嫁给一个无趣、几乎可以做她父亲的人(她丈夫已四十出头),还跟他生孩子;想弄懂这个无趣、善良、心思简单的男人,在舞会和晚会上一直待在更刻板的人身边,用令人厌烦的机智争论着,看上去倦怠而多余,脸上的表情顺从而无动于衷,就像他被带到那儿出售一样,为什么还认为他有权利快乐,有权利有她的孩子。且我一直想弄清楚为什么她先遇到的是他而不是我,为什么在我们的生活里要发生这么一个可怕的错误。

“Iwasunhappy.Athome,inthefields,inthebarn,Ithoughtofher;Itriedtounderstandthemysteryofabeautiful,intelligentyoungwoman’smarryingsomeonesouninteresting,almostanoldman(herhusbandwasoverforty),andhavingchildrenbyhim;tounderstandthemysteryofthisuninteresting,good,simple-heartedman,whoarguedwithsuchwearisomegoodsense,atballsandeveningpartieskeptnearthemoresolidpeople,lookinglistlessandsuperfluous,withasubmissive,uninterestedexpression,asthoughhehadbeenbroughtthereforsale,whoyetbelievedinhisrighttobehappy,tohavechildrenbyher;andIkepttryingtounderstandwhyshehadmethimfirstandnotme,andwhysuchaterriblemistakeinourlivesneedhavehappened.

“我去城里时每次都从她的目光里看到她在期待着我,并且她会亲自对我承认在所有的那些天里她有一种特殊的感觉猜想我应该来了。我们长时间地交谈,沉默,但是都不承认爱着对方,而是胆怯猜疑地隐藏起对对方的爱。我们害怕可能向我们自己暴露出我们秘密的任何事情。我温柔地深深地爱着她,但是我一直在细想这份爱,一直在问自己如果我们没有力量抗拒这份爱,这份爱能通往何方。似乎难以置信我温柔、悲伤的爱可能突然粗暴地打破她的丈夫,她的孩子,以及我如此热爱和信赖的这个家庭的平静的生活进程。这是合乎名誉的吗?如果她愿意跟我走,可是能走到哪儿去呢?我能带她去哪里呢?如果我有一份美好、有趣的生活就是另一回事了——例如,要是我一直在努力摆脱农村,或者要是我是一个著名的学问家,或者艺术家或者画家就好了。可是那样就将意味着把她从每天的单调生活里带到另一种单调甚至可能更加单调的生活里。而我们的幸福会持续多久呢?万一我病了,万一我死了,或者如果我们只是对彼此变得冷漠了,她将会怎么样呢?

“AndwhenIwenttothetownIsaweverytimefromhereyesthatshewasexpectingme,andshewouldconfesstomeherselfthatshehadhadapeculiarfeelingallthatdayguessedthatIshoulde.Wetalkedalongtime,andweresilent,yetwedidnotconfessourlovetoeachother,buttimidlyandjealouslyconcealedit.Wewereafraidofeverythingthatmightrevealoursecrettoourselves.Ilovedhertenderly,deeply,butIreflectedandkeptaskingmyselfwhatourlovecouldleadtoifwehadnotthestrengthtofightagainstit.Itseemedtobeincrediblethatmygentle,sadlovecouldallatoncecoarselybreakuptheeventenorofthelifeofherhusband,herchildren,andallthehouseholdinwhichIwassolovedandtrusted.Woulditbehonourable?Shewouldgoawaywithme,butwhere?WherecouldItakeher?ItwouldhavebeenadifferentmatterifIhadhadabeautiful,interestinglife—if,forinstance,Ihadbeenstrugglingfortheemancipationofmycountry,orhadbeenacelebratedmanofscience,anartistorapainter;butasitwasitwouldmeantakingherfromoneeverydayhumdrumlifetoanotherashumdrumorperhapsmoreso.Andhowlongwouldourhappinesslast?WhatwouldhappentoherincaseIwasill,incaseIdied,orifwesimplygrewcoldtooneanother?

“同样地,显然她也有充分的理由。她要考虑她的丈夫,孩子,还有她的母亲,她母亲爱她父亲就像爱孩子一样。如果她放纵自己到感情里她将不得不说谎,要不然说出事实真相,以她的地位这两种后果都同样糟糕和不便。且她还要受到她的爱是否将带我给幸福这个问题的折磨——事实上,我的生活已经够辛苦和困难重重了,她不会使我的生活更复杂吗?她认为对我来说她不够年轻了,要开始一种新生活她既不勤奋也没有足够的精力。她常常跟她丈夫说娶一个聪明的好女孩对我来说很重要,她会成为我的助手,成为一个能干的主妇,不过她会立刻补充说要在全城找到一个这样的女孩子并不容易。

“Andsheapparentlyreasonedinthesameway.Shethoughtofherhusband,herchildren,andofhermother,wholovedthehusbandlikeason.Ifsheabandonedherselftoherfeelingsshewouldhavetolie,orelsetotellthetruth,andinherpositioneitherwouldhavebeenequallyterribleandinconvenient.Andshewastormentedbythequestionwhetherherlovewouldbringmehappiness—wouldshenotplicatemylife,which,asitwas,washardenoughandfullofallsortsoftrouble?Shefanciedshewasnotyoungenoughforme,thatshewasnotindustriousnorenergeticenoughtobeginanewlife,andsheoftentalkedtoherhusbandoftheimportanceofmymarryingagirlofintelligenceandmeritwhowouldbeacapablehousewifeandahelptome—andshewouldimmediatelyaddthatitwouldbedifficulttofindsuchagirlinthewholetown.

“这几年时间就这么过去了。安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜已经有了两个孩子。当我来到卢格诺维奇家时,仆人们都对我露出亲切的笑容,孩子们大叫着帕韦尔·康斯坦蒂诺维奇叔叔来了,吊到我脖子上,每个人都欣喜若狂。他们不知道我的内心在经历怎样的挣扎,认为我也是高兴的。每个人都把我看作一个贵族。大人们和孩子们都觉得一个高贵的人正穿梭在他们的家里,这使得他们对我的态度有一种特殊的吸引力,仿佛他们的生活有了我也更纯净和更美好了。安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜和我经常一起去剧院,总是走着去。我们常常肩膀擦着肩膀,并排坐在前排座位里。我会一言不发地从她手里拿过观剧望远镜,感觉那一刻她就在我身旁,她就是我的,没有对方我们将活不下去。可是由于某些奇怪的误解,走出剧院我们总是仿佛陌生人一样说再见分手了。天知道镇上已经有些什么人在谈论我们了,可是完全没有一句真话!

“Meanwhiletheyearswerepassing.AnnaAlexyevnaalreadyhadtwochildren.WhenIarrivedattheLuganovitchs’theservantssmiledcordially,thechildrenshoutedthatUnclePavelKonstantinovitchhade,andhungonmyneck;everyonewasoverjoyed.Theydidnotunderstandwhatwaspassinginmysoul,andthoughtthatI,too,washappy.Everyonelookedonmeasanoblebeing.Andgrown-upsandchildrenalikefeltthatanoblebeingwaswalkingabouttheirrooms,andthatgaveapeculiarcharmtotheirmannertowardsme,asthoughinmypresencetheirlife,too,waspurerandmorebeautiful.AnnaAlexyevnaandIusedtogotothetheatretogether,alwayswalkingthere;weusedtositsidebysideinthestalls,ourshoulderstouching.Iwouldtaketheopera-glassfromherhandswithoutaword,andfeelatthatminutethatshewasnearme,thatshewasmine,thatwecouldnotlivewithouteachother;butbysomestrangemisunderstanding,whenwecameoutofthetheatrewealwayssaidgood-byeandpartedasthoughwewerestrangers.Goodnessknowswhatpeopleweresayingaboutusinthetownalready,buttherewasnotawordoftruthinitall!

“后来的几年里安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜开始时常去看望她母亲或去她姐姐那。她开始情绪低落,开始认为她的生活被扰乱,并感到不满了,她有时不再关心她的丈夫,也不关心她的孩子了。她已开始接受神经衰弱的治疗。

“我们在一起时除了沉默还是沉默。而在外人面前她对我表现出一种奇怪的愤怒,不管我说什么,她都跟我唱反调,要是我与人争论,她就支持我的对手。如果我掉了什么东西,她会冷冷地说:

“‘恭喜你了。’

“去剧院时如果我忘了拿观剧望远镜,过后她会说:

“‘我知道你会忘记的。’

“InthelatteryearsAnnaAlexyevnatooktogoingawayforfrequentvisitstohermotherortohersister;shebegantosufferfromlowspirits,shebegantorecognizethatherlifewasspoiltandunsatisfied,andattimesshedidnotcaretoseeherhusbandnorherchildren.Shewasalreadybeingtreatedforneurasthenia.

“Weweresilentandstillsilent,andinthepresenceofoutsidersshedisplayedastrangeirritationinregardtome;whateverItalkedabout,shedisagreedwithme,andifIhadanargumentshesidedwithmyopponent.IfIdroppedanything,shewouldsaycoldly:

“‘Icongratulateyou.’

“IfIfottotaketheopera-glasswhenweweregoingtothetheatre,shewouldsayafterwards:

“‘Iknewyouwouldfetit.’

“不知道是幸运还是不幸,在我们的生活中没有不散的筵席。因为卢格诺维奇被指派为西部一个省份的主席,离别的日子终于到来了。他们不得不卖掉他们的家具,马,和夏季别墅。当他们驾车去别墅时,然后回想到他们是最后一次去看看那花园,那绿色的屋顶,每个人都很难过,而我知道我不得不说再见的不只是别墅而已。已经安排好八月底我们给安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜送行,她去克里米亚,那里的医生正在照看她。紧接着卢格诺维奇和孩子们动身去西部省份

“Luckilyorunluckily,thereisnothinginourlivesthatdoesnotendsoonerorlater.Thetimeofpartingcame,asLuganovitchwasappointedpresidentinoneofthewesternprovinces.Theyhadtoselltheirfurniture,theirhorses,theirsummervilla.Whentheydroveouttothevilla,andafterwardslookedbackastheyweregoingaway,tolookforthelasttimeatthegarden,atthegreenroof,everyonewassad,andIrealizedthatIhadtosaygood-byenotonlytothevilla.ItwasarrangedthatattheendofAugustweshouldseeAnnaAlexyevnaofftotheCrimea,wherethedoctorsweresendingher,andthatalittlelaterLuganovitchandthechildrenwouldsetoffforthewesternprovince.

“我们一大群人去给安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜送行。当她跟她的丈夫和孩子们道完别后,还有一分钟第三次铃就要响了。我跑进她的车厢把一个篮子——她差点忘记了——放上行李架,然后我不得不跟她说再见了。在车厢里四目相对时我们精神上的坚韧土崩瓦解,我把她抱进怀里,她把脸庞压到我的胸膛上,泪如雨下。我吻她的脸庞,她的肩头,她被泪水打湿了的双手——唉,多么悲痛欲绝啊!——承认了对她的爱。在强烈的心痛中我意识到那阻止我们相爱的所有问题是多么多余,多么微不足道而虚伪。我懂得了当爱上一个人时必须在你对那份爱的评价中,认为那份爱是最高尚的开始去爱;或者在幸福或不幸,过失或美德的众所公认的意义中,认为爱比它们更重要地开始去爱。或者根本不必想什么,只管大胆去爱。

WewereagreatcrowdtoseeAnnaAlexyevnaoff.Whenshehadsaidgood-byetoherhusbandandherchildrenandtherewasonlyaminuteleftbeforethethirdbell,Iranintoherpartmenttoputabasket,whichshehadalmostfotten,ontherack,andIhadtosaygood-bye.Whenoureyesmetinthepartmentourspiritualfortitudedesertedusboth;Itookherinmyarms,shepressedherfacetomybreast,andtearsflowedfromhereyes.Kissingherface,hershoulders,herhandswetwithtears—oh,howunhappywere!—Iconfessedmyloveforher,andwithaburningpaininmyheartIrealizedhowunnecessary,howpetty,andhowdeceptiveallthathadhinderedusfromlovingwas.Iunderstoodthatwhenyouloveyoumusteither,inyourreasoningsaboutthatlove,startfromwhatishighest,fromwhatismoreimportantthanhappinessorunhappiness,sinorvirtueintheiraeptedmeaning,oryoumustnotreasonatall.

“我最后一次吻了她,紧握了一下她的手,然后永远地离开了。火车已经开了,我走进下一个车厢里——那是一个空车厢——一直坐在那儿哭直到火车抵达下一个站。然后回到沙非诺的家……。”

“Ikissedherforthelasttime,pressedherhand,andpartedforever.Thetrainhadalreadystarted.Iwentintothenextpartment—itwasempty—anduntilIreachedthenextstationIsattherecrying.ThenIwalkedhometoSofino….”

在阿列恒讲述他的故事时,雨停了,太阳出来了。伯京和伊凡·伊凡诺维奇去了阳台,从那儿能看到花园和磨坊池塘那边的美丽景色,磨坊池塘此刻在阳光下像镜子一样闪闪发光。他们赞赏这美丽的景色,同时伤感目光亲切睿智的阿列恒——他饱含真情地给他们讲述了这个故事——一直像轮子上的松鼠一样旋转不息地在这个巨大的庄园里奔忙,而不去做学问或从事其它将使他的生活更舒心的工作;他们还想到了当阿列恒在火车上跟她道别并亲吻她的脸庞和肩头时安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜必定悲痛欲绝的脸。他们两人都在城里见过她,伯京还认识安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜,认为她真是一个美人。

WhileAlehinwastellinghisstory,therainleftoffandthesuncameout.BurkinandIvanIvanovitchwentoutonthebalcony,fromwhichtherewasabeautifulviewoverthegardenandthemill-pond,whichwasshiningnowinthesunshinelikeamirror.Theyadmiredit,andatthesametimetheyweresorrythatthismanwiththekind,clevereyes,whohadtoldthemthisstorywithsuchgenuinefeeling,shouldberushingroundandroundthishugeestatelikeasquirrelonawheelinsteadofdevotinghimselftoscienceorsomethingelsewhichwouldhavemadehislifemorepleasant;andtheythoughtwhatasorrowfulfaceAnnaAlexyevnamusthavehadwhenhesaidgood-byetoherintherailway-carriageandkissedherfaceandshoulders.Bothofthemhadmetherinthetown,andBurkinknewherandthoughtherbeautiful.